They say the devil will find work for idle hands to do.
And when I say they, I mean Messrs Morrissey, Marr…and….ermmmm…. the other two. AKA The Smiths. I’m not sure where the original quote for that comes from. Shakespeare? The Bible?
Wouldn’t it be fabulous if I had a little box and I could type questions into it and get almost instantaneous answers to questions like who were the other two and where did that quote come from?
But, no time for that sort of sorcery right now….these idle hands built a boat!!!
Not a real boat, I haven’t spent my holidays tinkering around the backyard with a hammer and some hickory barky bark, but a boat nonetheless. A catamaran to be exact!
Remember when I made the Hayman Island Chicken Salad? That post contains this photo amazing photo of a catamaran table.
And now, in the spirit of a Russian Doll, imagine a smaller catamaran. Maybe one that could be placed on the catamaran table, filled with some cheesy balls o’ goodness.
Et voila…
The cucumber catamaran.
Now, I”m not saying she’s the best looking boat in the world. She’s a bit wonky. But she is quite obviously a boat.
In case you need some work for your idle hands, here’s how to make your own:
The paprika carrot balls weren’t bad either…recipe below…
The Smiths are one of my favorite bands ever. I spent countless hours of angsty teenage emotional turmoil locked in my bedroom listening to “How Soon Is Now” and “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out”, countered only by and the sheer manic malicious exuberance of “Panic”.
So here’s a little treat for me you!
This week, I’ll be “spending my warm summer days indoors, writing frightening verse to a buck tooth girl in Luxembourg”…
Otherwise known as doing this. Which I guess makes you my bucktooth girl.
A few weeks ago Jenny at Silver Screen Suppers invited her readers to celebrate the launch of her book of Joan Crawford recipes by taking part in a cookalong. I was so excited to be a part of this and I set Melbourne Cup Day as the day because strangely enough, I was going to be at the races on the actual day.
Jenny very kindly provided us with three of Joan’s recipes. One was for Crepes Suzette. Having recently had Crepes Suzette expertly cooked for me at the Lotus Blanc in Cambodia, I thought I might give this a miss. I wasn’t sure my attempts at flipping and flaming would compare. However, I was well and truly up for the other two, starting with
Joan’s Crawford’s Danti-Chips
Joan Crawford’s Danti-Chips
I was so excited about these. I was even more excited when the jars of devilled ham were two for one at the local supermarket.
And then, dear readers, I made a newbie, amateur, doofus mistake. Because logic should tell you that when you are confronted with a jar of pink paste called Devilled Ham, you just need to accept that all it contains is ham and…other….stuff. Don’t ever go wondering what that other stuff might be. For the love of all that’s good in the world….
DO NOT EVER READ THE LABEL ON THE BACK OF THE JAR OF DEVILLED HAM.
And yes, I am shouting at you. Because it was over a week ago and I still feel sick thinking about it. And you know, Deviled Ham was one of my pleasures in life. Admittedly not high on the list but it was there. And now it has gone. Forever. Just like Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups.
I’m not going to tell you what was in it. Just don’t read the label. Even though now you really want to. I know you do. do not give into the temptation. Imagine that jar of Peck’s Paste is local Nazi Colonel and you are an oversexed French Cafe owner hiding some English airmen and a priceless painting of The Fallen Madonna with The Big Boobies and resist!
(And if you had absolutely no idea what that last bit was about, your parents obviously didn’t watch enough British sit coms during your formative years….
You can find out more about that particular tangent here:
So anyway, I chose the vegetarian option. I used a mushroom and spinach tapenade for my chips. He had the devilled ham, Far be it from me to spoil anyone’s enjoyment of life the way mine has been destroyed. Plus, we have two jars of it to get through. Ignorance? Bliss.
These do look really pretty though don’t they? And they tasted really delicious. I added some chopped up pickled chillies to my pickle garnish and they went really well with the other flavours as well as adding a little colour.
Danti-Chips2
We ate these mid’-afternoon whilst watching the races. And believe me, it took no time at all for that plate to become this…
Where have all the Danti-Chips gone?
STEAK WITH ROQUEFORT
Later on in the evening it was time for the second of Joan’s recipes and….it’s making my mouth water even as I think about it.
Ooooohhhhh yeah…Steak with Roquefort come on down. (Although technically mine was Steak with Stilton as the local supermarket does not stock Roquefort).
Joan Crawford’s Steak with Roquefort
We had this with some kale and beans I also doubled up with a book club recipe and made the Turmeric and Cumin Potatoes from Persiana. Which were also super!
Steak with Roquefort
Persiana Turmeric and Cumin Potatoes
Meal to remember!!!!!
Steak and any sort of blue cheese is amazing. And Joan’s little twist with the….not telling…you need to buy the book to find out….is awesome!
Oh, and if, like me you happen to have some leftover corn chips from the Danti-Chips and some leftover roquefort mixture from the steak you can combine these with any leftover kale and some very finely chopped red onions to create a delicious spin on Nachos the night after!
Hopefully Joan would approve!!!
Thanks Jenny for the wonderful opportunity to be a part of this!!!! I loved the recipes and can’t wait to see the rest of the book!
I think it’s only fair this week to have the sign off to come from the lady herself. Have a fabulous week – maybe think about how you can add some old Hollywood glamour into your life. And buy Jenny’s book! If the recipes I tried are any reflection it will be awesome!!!
Have you ever read a recipe where the ingredients seem right….but the execution just seems horribly wrong?
Smoked Trout Empandas8
The other day I was looking for something in…you know THAT room? Otherwise known as the room where we dumped all the crap we didn’t have a specific home for when we first moved in. Nearly a year later? It’s all still there. Thank the Lord for whoever invented doors. It makes it so much easier to metaphorically close the door and walk away from the room when you can literally close the door and walk away from the room.
I didn’t find what I was looking for in the room, because most things that go in there don’t come out. What I did find was a manilla folder full of old recipe clippings which included one for something called for Trout and Mascarpone Triangles.
Before we get to the point does anyone else have problems spelling mascarpone? For some reason in my mind it’s marscapone. I also can’t say the word “Preliminary” – that one just ends up a hot mess of r’s and l’s where they shouldn’t be.
But anyway, immediately in my head, (yeah the same one that can’t spell ma-scar-pone or pronounce pre-lim-in-ary) I had a vision of what these would be. They would look like exactly like these:
Hmm…except….maybe a little more triangular.
So, I was bitterly disappointed when I actually read the recipe and found it was nothing like that.
In fact, that whole recipe annoyed the hell out of me. In most cooking circles when you call something an X & Y triangle it’s pretty much a given that the X and Y are IN the triangle. Take these delicious looking cheese and spinach triangles from taste.com.au. Spinach and Cheese both EXACTLY where they should be i.e. inside the pastry triangle.
That is what I wanted from my trout and mascarpone triangles! Golden puff pastry filled with chunks of gorgeous pink smoked trout, creamy mascarpone, fresh herbs, a touch of chilli….that was what my mind told me a Trout and Mascarpone Triangle could, and should, be.
At best the original recipe is for trout and mascarpone ON triangles. And who the hell wants that? No one that’s who. I’m calling shenanigans on that recipe.
In some circles they say, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. In my circle I say if you think their recipe is a crock, make it like you think it should have been. And while we’re in the spirit of rebellion – the fancy pants Italian cheese I can’t be bothered writing the name of (because I would only have to re-write it to spell it correctly) can go fuck itself too. I’m using good old Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Which I forgot to take a photo of. The rest of the stuff is here:
Smoked Trout Empanadas3
I used a smoked trout, you could sub in smoked salmon if you prefer or cook a fillet of fish as per the original recipe. Or even used canned salmon or tuna to make these. Up to you. And I had an empanada maker thing but you could make triangles as per the original recipe. Or embrace the spririt of doing it your way and make them any shape you want!
If you are going to use an empanada maker, here’s how you do it from an expert,Connie Veneracion. Shame I didn’t read this until after I had made mine and hence some of mine were a little…shall we call them rustic? 😉
How To Use An Empanada Maker
Smoked Trout Empanadas7
And here is the revised, and in my not so humble opinion, vastly improved recipe!
1 canned chipotle chilli and approx 1 tbsp of the adobo sauce it came in
1 tbsp dill
1 tbsp parsley
2 sheets ready rolled puff pastry
1 egg, beaten
poppy seeds and chilli flakes to garnish (optional)
Instructions
If using a smoked trout, remove the skin and flake the flesh from the bones. Place this in a bowl with the cream cheese, red onion, lemon juice, chilli, dill and parsley. Mix lightly to combine.
Preheat your oven to 200C and line a baking tray with baking paper.
Cut four circles out of each of your pastry sheets, using your empanada maker or tracing around a small plate or cup.
Place 1 tbsp of the trout mixture in the middle of each circle then fold the pastry over to seal in the filling.
Crimp the edges to seal.
Place on the baking tray and brush with the beaten egg.
Sprinkle with the poppy seeds and chilli flakes if using.
Cook for 15 minutes or until puffed up and golden.
Lesson of the week – if you don’t like it, change it.
I am perfectly aware that these sandwiches do not resemble Easter Lilies and would, based on their look, be far more appropriately called Calla Lily Sandwiches. But it’s Easter ok?
And take a look at them. How pretty are they? Perfect for an afternoon tea with the girls….
Easter Lily sandwiches
And they taste pretty damn good too!!!
There are a few recipes for these lily sandwiches floating about the interwebs. However, most of them use green onions for the stem. I actually made it that way the first time but was disappointed in the taste.
Chomping on that big stalk made the sandwich way too oniony – I’m pretty sure no one else wants to bite into a huge chunk of onion like that either. Or suffer the onion breath afterwards. But to use them as decoration only and take them out when it came to eating the sandwich seemed like a waste. My first thought was to replace the onions with beans but when I went to buy the beans, I was waylaid by some gorgeous baby asparagus spears.
Easter Lily Sandwiches Ingredients
And my version of the Lily Sandwich was born.
If you can only get thicker asparagus you could cut the spears in half down their length. If asparagus is not available, use beans or celery matchsticks – all of which I think would be preferable to the onion!
Oh and a tip for the frugal. When you cut the circles out of the bread, don’t throw the rest of the bread out. Save them to use for what my family call Ox-Eye eggs but is, I believe more commonly called, Egg in A Hole the next morning! Any asparagus left over can also be dipped into a runny yolk for a breakfast made in heaven!!!
Oh and if you don’t happen to have a rolling-pin handy, a bottle of your favourite sauv blanc works equally as well.
And would also be the perfect accompaniment to these sandwiches at your Easter afternoon tea!
One of the reasons I love old cookbooks is sometimes you get a little insight in to the lives of the people who owned them previously. My latest favourite vintage find, Salads For All Seasons is no exception.
There is an inscription on the front inner cover that reads “To Ann, Happy Christmas 1985. Love Aunty Ev & Uncle Bill.
Thing is…the book was published in 1971. I don’t want to judge but I dunno….unless it’s an absolute classic, giving someone a 14 year old cookbook makes me think that some regifting may have been at play here.
I suspect Ann may not have been the favourite niece.
Avocado and Aguacate Dressing
In the foreward Elizabeth Durack Clancy O.B.E. says:
“I commend this book because it is so useful and practical. “The wilful extravagant maid” can learn some fresh devilment from these pages but the “housewife that’s thrifty” is equally catered for.”
Hmmm…I’m thinking Aunty Ev may have been one of those “thrifty housewives”. And good old Ann, a maid of will and extravagance. It’s all starting to come together….it certainly explains the parsimony of the Christmas present. And the lack of a term of endearment in the greeting.
Next up, the introduction where author Rosemary Mayne-Wilson tells us:
“Salad used to something served on Sunday evenings. It consisted of neatly shredded lettuce, tomato wedges, hard boiled eggs and a slice of cheese. It was served with the sliced leftovers of the Sunday roast. Generally it was put straight on the plate, but when there were visitors it was served in a crystal salad bowl. To make it daring, a blob of mayonnaise was added, but this ‘extra’ was confined to adults”
Personally, I’d be quite happy eating that salad. But more importantly, who knew mayo was a rite of passage?
Wasabi Leaves
Then again, have you heard of those Menarche Parties that people are throwing their daughters these days? I swear, if my parents had ever done anything like that to me, I would still be locked in the bathroom, listening to The Smiths on repeat and sobbing “You hate me don’t you? You really fucking hate me.”
You can view the full horror by clicking on the link below but just to whet your appetite, included in the party pack provided by…
wait for it…
Menarche Parties R Us.com ((2021 Update – sadly this site no longer exists))
(I swear you couldn’t make this shit up if you tried)
…are 2 games. One of these is called “Pin the Ovaries” and the other is called the “Puberty Marshmallow Game”.
(2021 Update – sadly this site no longer exists)
Pinning ovaries sounds like something a serial killer would do. And I never want to know what a puberty marshmallow game entails.
For the love of God, bring back the dob of mayo on the Sunday Night Salad. “You’re a woman now Ann, have some Hellman’s”.
“Gee thanks Aunty Ev. Any chance of some tips on frugality?”
Wow,that was a spectacular digression. Where we we? Salad. Yes. Right. Ok. Sorry, I’m still being gobsmacked by the puberty marshmallow game.
Salad. We’re here to talk about salad.
Cuban Aguacate Salad 2
Back to the Introduction of Salads For All Seasons – after dropping in the comment about the mayo, in a lovely piece of randomness, Rosemary Mayne-Wilson tells us:
“Of course this has all changed and now nearly everyone owns a wooden salad bowl”
Bear with me while I nip across to Ebay because I am one of the few who own nothing of the sort. And now I desperately want one. I really want one that looks like this:
But I’m guessing I might have to make do with something a little more mundane.
And it will come in handy because I’m thinking that this could be a long haul. There is so much that is both amazing and godawful in Salads for All Seasons, that I think it’s worth spending some time here.
I was going to work through it from start to finish…until I read some of the recipes and paused for a moment of sanity. So we’ll be kind of working our way through in a fairly random order but skipping some of the truly awful and the just plain boring.
But just to get us off to a to an extravagant and devilish start, put your hot pink dancin’ shoes on, because your tastebuds are going to be doing the Rhumba with this awesome Cuban inspired salad.
[amd-zlrecipe-recipe:2]
Cuban Aguacate Salad
Who knew you could put rum into salad dressing? It’s certainly efficient – you can toxify and detoxify at the same time!!! And it tastes great!
I”m going to be spending my week, trying not to think about marshmallows! Hopefully Salad dressing liberally dosed with Bacardi will help that act of forgetting.
And now, in the spirit of a Russian Doll, imagine a smaller catamaran. Maybe one that could be placed on the catamaran table, filled with some cheesy balls o’ goodness.
The cucumber catamaran. 
In case you need some work for your idle hands, here’s how to make your own:
The paprika carrot balls weren’t bad either…recipe below…
