They say the devil will find work for idle hands to do.
And when I say they, I mean Messrs Morrissey, Marr…and….ermmmm…. the other two. AKA The Smiths. I’m not sure where the original quote for that comes from. Shakespeare? The Bible?
Wouldn’t it be fabulous if I had a little box and I could type questions into it and get almost instantaneous answers to questions like who were the other two and where did that quote come from?
But, no time for that sort of sorcery right now….these idle hands built a boat!!!
Not a real boat, I haven’t spent my holidays tinkering around the backyard with a hammer and some hickory barky bark, but a boat nonetheless. A catamaran to be exact!
Remember when I made the Hayman Island Chicken Salad? That post contains this photo amazing photo of a catamaran table.
And now, in the spirit of a Russian Doll, imagine a smaller catamaran. Maybe one that could be placed on the catamaran table, filled with some cheesy balls o’ goodness.
Et voila…
The cucumber catamaran.
Now, I”m not saying she’s the best looking boat in the world. She’s a bit wonky. But she is quite obviously a boat.
In case you need some work for your idle hands, here’s how to make your own:
The paprika carrot balls weren’t bad either…recipe below…
The Smiths are one of my favorite bands ever. I spent countless hours of angsty teenage emotional turmoil locked in my bedroom listening to “How Soon Is Now” and “There Is A Light That Never Goes Out”, countered only by and the sheer manic malicious exuberance of “Panic”.
So here’s a little treat for me you!
This week, I’ll be “spending my warm summer days indoors, writing frightening verse to a buck tooth girl in Luxembourg”…
Otherwise known as doing this. Which I guess makes you my bucktooth girl.
Have you ever read a recipe where the ingredients seem right….but the execution just seems horribly wrong?
Smoked Trout Empandas8
The other day I was looking for something in…you know THAT room? Otherwise known as the room where we dumped all the crap we didn’t have a specific home for when we first moved in. Nearly a year later? It’s all still there. Thank the Lord for whoever invented doors. It makes it so much easier to metaphorically close the door and walk away from the room when you can literally close the door and walk away from the room.
I didn’t find what I was looking for in the room, because most things that go in there don’t come out. What I did find was a manilla folder full of old recipe clippings which included one for something called for Trout and Mascarpone Triangles.
Before we get to the point does anyone else have problems spelling mascarpone? For some reason in my mind it’s marscapone. I also can’t say the word “Preliminary” – that one just ends up a hot mess of r’s and l’s where they shouldn’t be.
But anyway, immediately in my head, (yeah the same one that can’t spell ma-scar-pone or pronounce pre-lim-in-ary) I had a vision of what these would be. They would look like exactly like these:
Hmm…except….maybe a little more triangular.
So, I was bitterly disappointed when I actually read the recipe and found it was nothing like that.
In fact, that whole recipe annoyed the hell out of me. In most cooking circles when you call something an X & Y triangle it’s pretty much a given that the X and Y are IN the triangle. Take these delicious looking cheese and spinach triangles from taste.com.au. Spinach and Cheese both EXACTLY where they should be i.e. inside the pastry triangle.
That is what I wanted from my trout and mascarpone triangles! Golden puff pastry filled with chunks of gorgeous pink smoked trout, creamy mascarpone, fresh herbs, a touch of chilli….that was what my mind told me a Trout and Mascarpone Triangle could, and should, be.
At best the original recipe is for trout and mascarpone ON triangles. And who the hell wants that? No one that’s who. I’m calling shenanigans on that recipe.
In some circles they say, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. In my circle I say if you think their recipe is a crock, make it like you think it should have been. And while we’re in the spirit of rebellion – the fancy pants Italian cheese I can’t be bothered writing the name of (because I would only have to re-write it to spell it correctly) can go fuck itself too. I’m using good old Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Which I forgot to take a photo of. The rest of the stuff is here:
Smoked Trout Empanadas3
I used a smoked trout, you could sub in smoked salmon if you prefer or cook a fillet of fish as per the original recipe. Or even used canned salmon or tuna to make these. Up to you. And I had an empanada maker thing but you could make triangles as per the original recipe. Or embrace the spririt of doing it your way and make them any shape you want!
If you are going to use an empanada maker, here’s how you do it from an expert,Connie Veneracion. Shame I didn’t read this until after I had made mine and hence some of mine were a little…shall we call them rustic? 😉
How To Use An Empanada Maker
Smoked Trout Empanadas7
And here is the revised, and in my not so humble opinion, vastly improved recipe!
1 canned chipotle chilli and approx 1 tbsp of the adobo sauce it came in
1 tbsp dill
1 tbsp parsley
2 sheets ready rolled puff pastry
1 egg, beaten
poppy seeds and chilli flakes to garnish (optional)
Instructions
If using a smoked trout, remove the skin and flake the flesh from the bones. Place this in a bowl with the cream cheese, red onion, lemon juice, chilli, dill and parsley. Mix lightly to combine.
Preheat your oven to 200C and line a baking tray with baking paper.
Cut four circles out of each of your pastry sheets, using your empanada maker or tracing around a small plate or cup.
Place 1 tbsp of the trout mixture in the middle of each circle then fold the pastry over to seal in the filling.
Crimp the edges to seal.
Place on the baking tray and brush with the beaten egg.
Sprinkle with the poppy seeds and chilli flakes if using.
Cook for 15 minutes or until puffed up and golden.
Lesson of the week – if you don’t like it, change it.
I am perfectly aware that these sandwiches do not resemble Easter Lilies and would, based on their look, be far more appropriately called Calla Lily Sandwiches. But it’s Easter ok?
And take a look at them. How pretty are they? Perfect for an afternoon tea with the girls….
Easter Lily sandwiches
And they taste pretty damn good too!!!
There are a few recipes for these lily sandwiches floating about the interwebs. However, most of them use green onions for the stem. I actually made it that way the first time but was disappointed in the taste.
Chomping on that big stalk made the sandwich way too oniony – I’m pretty sure no one else wants to bite into a huge chunk of onion like that either. Or suffer the onion breath afterwards. But to use them as decoration only and take them out when it came to eating the sandwich seemed like a waste. My first thought was to replace the onions with beans but when I went to buy the beans, I was waylaid by some gorgeous baby asparagus spears.
Easter Lily Sandwiches Ingredients
And my version of the Lily Sandwich was born.
If you can only get thicker asparagus you could cut the spears in half down their length. If asparagus is not available, use beans or celery matchsticks – all of which I think would be preferable to the onion!
Oh and a tip for the frugal. When you cut the circles out of the bread, don’t throw the rest of the bread out. Save them to use for what my family call Ox-Eye eggs but is, I believe more commonly called, Egg in A Hole the next morning! Any asparagus left over can also be dipped into a runny yolk for a breakfast made in heaven!!!
Oh and if you don’t happen to have a rolling-pin handy, a bottle of your favourite sauv blanc works equally as well.
And would also be the perfect accompaniment to these sandwiches at your Easter afternoon tea!
Easter Lily Sandwiches3.
[yumprint-recipe id=’2′]One more Easter Treat to go…stay tuned!
The Pita Bread Christmas Trees mentioned in the article are adorable. And, will be featuring in my Christmas menus.
The article mentioned Susan’s Party Loaf which is this gorgeous looking thing
However, if you are going down that route you could also try this very pretty version from Betty Crocker. You really know you’re taking a ride on the way-back machine when you have a completely gratuitous use of food colouring!
Betty Crocker Party Loaf
And the Madras Cocktail ? Take a look at this piece of awesomeness…
Madras Cocktail
Don’t drink them all they say? Who are they kidding? The recipe which is here
put me in mind of the old Dorothy Parker quote:
“I like to have a martini,
Two at the very most.
After three I’m under the table,
after four I’m under the host.”
This thing might not just knock your socks off, it could take your ankles with it.
I can’t wait to try it!
So what retro treats are you all planning for Christmas?
Last week I mentioned that there was surprisingly little to mock in Roberta Ashley’s Singers and Swingers. Never fear though, little doesn’t mean nothing and today, I’m turning my unflinching gaze to a few of the less palatable gems contained therein.
I have a strange relationship with cold soup. Until 5 years ago, I can honestly say, had never eaten it, and had no intention of doing so. I started to come round after a trip to Barcelona in 2008 and a bowl of the most amazing gazpacho I have ever eaten. I have become a fan of this delicious Spanish concoction, to the point of whipping up a batch or two of my own...
Homemade Gazpacho…I can do cold soup
So, whilst reconciled to gazpacho, cold creamy soups and I aren’t even friends on Facebook. You know how sometimes, if you eat something creamy you get a film in your mouth from the fat in the cream? That’s the thought that puts me off. Well, it’s that thought that puts me off a cold soup made from the freshest cream and vegetables. I have seen what cold canned soup looks like and believe me, it’s not going anywhere near my mouth! Gross! So, this recipe from Leonard Nimoy is designed to push all the wrong buttons for me. As far as I’m concerned this one can go back to Vulcan, Spock!
Leonard Nimoy’s Cold Soup..is not for me!
The next recipe designed to have me gritting my teeth and muttering swear words under my breath is called Homemade Canned Beans. As mentioned in the last post, I am not averse to a can of beans. Beans on toast is one of my go to meals when I want something quick and healthy after a trip to the gym or a lazy breakfast. My issue with most of the popular brands of beans on the market is that the sauce can be overly sweet. So I was very excited to read the name of this recipe. Imagine if I could make my own beans that tasted like canned beans but with less sugar? Happy days….
Unfortunately, as I read on, it turned out that the universe had another fate in store for me
Homemade Canned Beans?
Remember in the wacky races when Muttley used to mutter under his breath? I did a lot of that whilst reading this recipe.
[youtube=http://youtu.be/gf_IH3rj0hY]
If you want a better recipe for beans, check out Erica over at Retro Recipe Attempts. If, like me, you have an aversion to an overly sweet sauce for your beans, I think the mustard and tabasco in Erica’s recipe would cut through that sweetness.
Next, on my hit list, we have Southern Fried Chicken À La Mrs Bobby Goldsboro. Personally, I would call this heart attack on a plate but Mr Bobby Goldsboro informs us that:
“I like it because I like Southern Cooking, but another reason is that fried foods are fattening and I am always trying to put on some weight”.
Mr Bobby Goldsboro needs a good hard slap if you ask me. The man must have had the metabolism of a hummingbird!* Just looking at a plate of something that contains bacon fat, oil and cream and is served with mashed potatoes or biscuits, butter and honey would be enough to derail my weight loss efforts for a year!
Southern Fried Chicken A La Mrs Bobby Goldsboro
As a child, one of my favourite tv shows was Get Smart. I would race home from school every day to see which episode was on, I swear I have seen every episode a dozen or more times and, if push came to shove, I could probably recite some of them almost verbatim.
The hero of the show was the bumbling, wise-cracking secret agent called Maxwell Smart, played by Don Adams. Given my love for the show, I was delighted to see that Singers and Swingers contained recipes by both Don Adams and Barbara Feldon who played Max’s colleague (and eventually his wife), Agent 99. More about Barbara Feldon next time but I desperately wanted their recipes to be good. Hers is great. However, in the words of Maxwell Smart, I believe this recipe “missed by that much”. If by “that much” you mean the distance from here to the moon. I can’t even think what this mix would begin to taste like…if anyone is brave enough to make it, please let me know!
I’ll leave you to ponder the utter weirdness of the Don Adams recipe. I’m off to search for episodes of Get Smart….
Enjoy your week!
*Hummingbirds have an incredibly fast metabolism. At any given moment they are only hours away from starving to death.
And now, in the spirit of a Russian Doll, imagine a smaller catamaran. Maybe one that could be placed on the catamaran table, filled with some cheesy balls o’ goodness.
The cucumber catamaran. 
In case you need some work for your idle hands, here’s how to make your own:
The paprika carrot balls weren’t bad either…recipe below…
